Day 4

Halved my dosage from 60mg to 30mg. Suffice to say I was very apprehensive about dropping half my seretonin levels. Might I flip out and fall into a deep depression again. The thoughts been crossing my mind.

Day 4 is groggy wake ups, upset stomach, no appetite and feeling low. It’s still brain zaps and headaches and not feeling like me. It’s nausea, it’s sadness, it’s the flurry of emotions I have.

I can’t stomach food. I’m not hungry. I did manage to eat two pieces of vegemite on toast to quell my stomach soreness.

Music is flooding back to me more than ever. I’m feeling, errr emotions?!?

I feel like I’m withdrawing from something heavy. I drag myself to the library in my sloppiest and most comfortable I can find. I find myself walking around a quilting art exhibition. I look for a novel that I might be able to lock myself away with for a while, but settle with some coffee table style books with pictures that hopefully inspire me to create and be expressive. One on space photography, one on houses and another illustrated book about a mythical tree. Hopefully they help.

I’m laying in bed, it’s midnight. I don’t want another night of sweating profusely, waking up from intense dreams or insomnia.

I hope this is all worth it. I’m scared.